If I am to choose between receiving flowers and receiving a hard knob with baby batter, I think I will immediately choose the latter. Actually, I am the kind of lady who is not romantic and who is not fond of mushy things so it wouldn't make sense if...

Whenever a lad hits up on me and asks me where I came from, I always tell them I came from a floating island in Gulliver's Travels. They laugh. Those little bastards don't know it's Laputa. Guess I'll have to change my address, whaddya think?

I'm simply naughty, flirty, and eccentric. Love sex. That is why I'm here. I will give yeh the bollocks orgasm that yeh will experience. I will make yeh feel smashing and make yeh grizzle for more. What dae thou say?

Don't flatter me with your insincere words. I'm done with those lines. Get straight to the point. Tell me how you want to pump inside me. Be honest with me, and you'll get what you've been craving to receive.

My mind is clouded with dirty thoughts that are waiting to be unleashed at the right time with the right bloke. The manky thoughts I have are the reason for my undying wet dreams. If you are as naughty as me, then we should do the right thing. Let's ...

Bless my late husband's soul, but he was never the best when it comes to shagging. I always had to finish myself off after he starts to doze off. We had quite the age gap that is why I'm not bothered if a fit young lad chats me up. I still have a lot...